Monday, July 10, 2017

comeback

...two and a half years later.

 For the last year that still small voice has been egging me on to write here and I've made poor excuses. (Like binge-watching Poldark instead of updating. Eeeek.) Couldn't shake it today, shouldn't have shook it off before, but nevertheless here's my comeback. Whatever that may look like in days to come. It's worth it, if only for the history of my blot of life and the lives of those I love like crazy.

So, an update seems like a great place to start and then I'll attempt to take off from there. Two and a half years have been jam-packed with lots of good, lots of hard, and LOTS of humbling. "Hard is not the same as bad." I read that on an Instagram account I follow and it stuck.

Hubby: Turned 42 last month and is still in better shape than me, 9 years younger. *eye roll* He has been through some big job related obstacles in the last two years and has weathered it with incredible patience and grace and humility. Man of God for the books, friends. I LOVE his heart. More on that another time since it's a big chunk of our 'glory to God' story the last couple years has unfolded. He's still rocking out on guitar any chance he gets and being the rock star husband to all my DIY house project dreams.

Annabelle: She's approaching double digits! AH! HOW HAS IT BEEN A DECADE SINCE I BECAME A MOM!? She is nothing like I imagined her personality would be and everything I love that it is. She loves dancing and drawing and painting and dress up and breezy walks. She loves babies with a deep devotion I haven't seen in many young people. She loves head-banging music.  (That threw you, didn't it? Yeah, me too.) I find her often with a pair of drum sticks and her long hair flying around. I'm not even kidding a little bit. Skillet is her current go-to. I blame her Dad. ;-)

Bennett: Turned 8 this Summer! Almost two years younger than his big sis and he's the same height and a larger shoe size. My gentle spirit that quakes at injustice. Inquisitive and a perfectionist (blame me for that one). He's a wanna-be professional-anything-sports-related. Which is hilarious because my husband and I know less than zero about most sports. He and Annabelle began piano lessons last Fall and he caught on fast and loved it immediately. One of my favorite parts of the day is bedtime with Bennett when it's just he and I chatting as I tuck him in. Sometimes it's big God questions. Sometimes he has new jokes to tell me. Always he requests a song. Always he's quick to say "I love you too, Mom" and "Thanks for doing that, Mom".

Emmalee: Four going on 14. Completely different from her older siblings and making me realize how much I need Christ in motherhood. No, really. I love her fierce for that though. She's so similar to my own personality and struggles that it seems a spotlight is cast on my own heart during tough life stuff and we often repent together. She's honestly a gift to me. A gift I prayed long and hard for and wept over and had faith for when a vision was granted me of her future. She's my present. My shy, socially awkward girl who loves Doc McStuffins and cooking in the kitchen and books. Lots and lots of books.

Me: 33 is approaching fast. Does anyone else in their 30s when telling their age realize it really feels like it must still be the 20s except these 30s are way better than those 20s so something must be different? Does that even make sense? Anyhow, I'm running. Or attempting to. Isn't that just something most 30 year olds realize? "I should run." Ha! It's hard and I'm slow and only up to 5.5 miles, but it's something. I was finally diagnosed with a kidney disease a couple years ago that has brought it's own roller coaster moments, but that's another story for another time. Through it all, I've learned just how faithful God is to me. How constant He is. How the struggles and victories in our personal lives aren't just for us. They're for His glory; for the world that He loves so dearly.

Heather Dowling at 4:24 PM

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