Tuesday, February 20, 2007
finding love
Today was my due date for what would have been our first little one. Today also marks 12 weeks of pregnancy for our new little one. My mind finds it hard to wrap around the idea that so quickly this date approached and how quickly I'm already a third of the way closer to seeing my new baby. Amazing. I'm completely grateful... God is so good to us.On the 5th R.Jay and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary. Due to the excessive vomiting, a weekend away was replaced with a fun dinner at a favorite restaurant and a restful evening at home. We laughed like kids and remembered how much love and laughter has surrounded the last two years.
Maybe because it's February and our minds go to Valentines (and an anniversary for me) but I can't escape thinking about love. More importantly His love. I often dismiss simple moments of feeling Christ's love for bigger moments of discipline and glory. Yet lately I'm often reminded of such sweet love.... finding life in His word this morning, finding strength in fellowship, finding bills paid and food in the kitchen, finding my jeans snug on my belly, or finding a unexpected moment to still my heart and hear His voice. I'm loved.
Heather Dowling at 2:58 PM
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
as always
The rings on my left hand slide off so easily these days.At 11 weeks pregnant I wore a dress size smaller to church on Sunday.
After 4 weeks of no fellowship with my church family, yesterday was a blessing.
A white bucket sits near our couch at all times and you won't usually find me too far from one of our bathrooms.
In order to keep food in my tummy, medication is needed.
Our bedroom is now a make-shift bedroom in the future nursery and there is sheet rock and tools lining the upstairs hallways, along with bathroom tile stacked in the living room and the majority of our belongings crammed into the guestroom. Construction is underway.
Tears come easy these days. I suppose I could blame it on hormones, constant vomiting, or even the dreaded construction that surrounds me. (And believe me... often times I've taken the route of blaming the chaos.) But I'm selfish. I'm wrong. I'm a sinner. I've learned so much about little old me in the last month and a half, and have wondered if God is as disappointed in me as much as I am.
Lying in bed a few nights ago a song was irritatingly going around and around in my head. Phil Joel came out with a song a couple of years ago called "God is watching over you" and in my opinion it became overplayed... fast. Of course since this song wasn't something I fancied all that much... my mind memorized it.
So in bed after hours on hours of vomiting, crying, and asking, these lyrics rang true:
God is watching over you
As always
You are loved
Whatever you go through,
He's right beside you
God is watching over you
As always
And if you think He'll ever leave you,
You better thing again
So once again it was all very simple. I was doing this on my own, not understanding His purposes behind it. Failing to realize He's so much bigger, so much more loving, and so THERE than I realize. His mercies really are new every morning... as always.
Heather Dowling at 1:12 PM