Friday, August 10, 2007

brace yourself...

I could probably write 8 posts with the amount I've done in 2 weeks and the emotional thoughts that I've been plagued with in that time... but I'll try to wrap it up in one.
My overnight bag and Annabelle's things are packed and in the trunk of my car. The car seat is securely fastened in the back seat of the car. All 0-3 and 3-6 month little girl clothing is washed and dried. The moses basket is awaiting a baby in the corner of my bedroom.
My midwife says I've started to drop and efface....
And all the while I keep thinking...how did we get here so fast?
My birthday came and went this week. While my sweet husband tried to make it worthwhile, he was preoccupied with the death of his grandmother (on his father's side) and the funeral we had to attend that day instead. My 23rd birthday felt like any other day, and I realized this might be a sign of 'getting old'. When birthdays aren't days you look foward to two weeks before hand, but a day where you wake up to someone wishing you a happy birthday, and surprisng yourself by forgetting that was today.
Funerals are hardly ever easy, even if they're expected for awhile. While I didn't know R.Jay's grandmother, Emily, as much as I'd like, the event was harder than I thought. Staring across Emily's grave at my own mother-in-law, I realized just how much I'm not looking foward to the day I have to say good-bye to her. If anyone knows my relationship with R.Jay's mother, Norine, you can understand how awful that day will be for me. So when Norine hugs me good-bye at church for the third time (because she forgot if she already gave you one) I'll hold her a little tighter now.
The amount of gifts flooding every room in our house for Annabelle is astounding. After a baby shower, a family reunion, and a trip to an antique barn sale all last week... we're overloaded. Slowly things are finding a home, while others sit in awkward places until room can be made. Even still, things have found their way to boxes in the attic, basement, and garage. (You have no idea how thankful I am that we own a garage.)
One year ago, yesterday, my OB/GYN called our home with deepest apologies. A miscarriage was iminent. Then, you couldn't have convinced me that just a year later I'd be counting days until I met my very own daughter. Now, you couldn't convince me that God doesn't love me and my little family. His goodness is almost overwhelming and I've found myself in tears several times this week. Just thankful. So VERY thankful.
9 years ago, today, my mom lost her own mom. It hardly seems like it could have been 9 years ago that I looked at my mother in a whole new light. She wasn't just my mom, but she was someone's daughter. I tried putting myself in her shoes for the first time that year. And every year since. I haven't missed a phone call to her on August 10th just to see how she was for 9 years now. I cherish my mom. I miss my grandma.
Well so much for trying to wrap things up. If you could believe it, I've only touched the surface.

Heather Dowling at 2:36 PM

5comments

5 Comments

at 2:47 PM Blogger Unknown said...

Heather, what a beautiful blog! I can only imagine the emotional roller coaster you have been on over the last week, so much going on! God is such an awesome God though, and I believe Aunt Emily is just seeing that now, being with him in his kindom,witnessing his glory and his promises first hand. I could only wish for a relationship with my mother or mother in law as in what you have with Norrine, she is truly a loving woman and you are so very lucky and I know that you know just how lucky you are. Annabelle is already blessed to have someone like her just waiting for her to arrive. I am so happy that after all your trials of the past few years of wanting to become parents so badly,and believing it was goingto happen only to have it taken away,are finally over for you. This baby is truly one lucky little girl to be coming into the world with parents like you and RJay! Besides all that, I cant wait to get my hands on her!I myself have found an awesome friend and for that I am thankful! I hope you are having a great Sunday and I hope to see you soon!

 
at 5:22 PM Blogger Rose of the Hill said...

I have a new post.. go read it... he he :-)

 
at 12:01 AM Blogger Rose of the Hill said...

No NO the dance made me feel so much better.... Thanks... Hey update your post!

 
at 1:33 PM Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe how close you are! But I especially can't believe how ready you are! I really have always been a slow-poke when it comes to prepping baby things; I think I've convinced myself that getting things ready too soon will make me too anxious to meet the baby for whatever reason!!!

I'll be returning home tomorrow. Any chance I might be able to see you before you get busy with a new baby?!?!

 
at 1:45 PM Blogger abigaildaniels said...

I will join Bri in being amazed at how prepared you are! Yesterday I realized that I have 9 weeks until my due date and thought "this baby will need a name, huh!?" I sure haven't thought of getting clothing out yet! ;-)

Enjoy every last minute of this pregnancy. After all, we are only pregnant with each baby once!

 

Post a Comment