Monday, November 28, 2005
It Is Well With My Soul
I managed somehow to pull of thanksgiving with the wonderful help of my sister, Heidi, in our small home. I told my husband I officially feel like an adult hosting my family for thanksgiving in our home. Am I really married and grown up? Goodness! The table looked lovely and everyone was moaning and groaning from full bellies at the end. So, I would say it was a success!Friday was hard. Watching strange men load our family belongings into a strange van was a little disheartening. Holding my ten year old brother on empty hard wood floors in an empty living room as we sobbed in each others arms was even harder. Watching Rachel cry with friends and Dad as he wept and hugged with a neighbor was almost too hard to witness. Our home of many years now sits empty and alone until a new young family takes over to fill the emptiness and create new memories in a few weeks. Will another family occupy our home filling it with laughter and tears? It's all a bit much. As I held Samuel, trying to comfort in the midst of my maddness, telling him these are just walls... they could be gone in a moment but your family is strong, secure... I think I was telling myself. Watching him look around as he walked out the door and into the mini van all my mind could relive were the memories in that home. They AREN'T just walls... they are Friday family nights in a big living room, a kitchen that housed many important talks, rooms where we grew behind close doors as the Lord disciplined us. It was a home. OUR home. But now that home lives in our hearts and we carry it with us... between the miles.
Friday night we crammed 9 people into my home for what you might call a "big family slumber party". At 4 in the morning, Saturday, the van drove out of my driveway and safely to North Carolina. I climbed back in bed and sobbed. For hours. Saturday afternoon, Heidi and Joe left. My little house was empty and the sadness crept in. At that moment all I could think was the prayer Pastor Scott Dabe left my family with as 25 people stood holding hands in our abandoned living room friday. "Let your glory be seen in this move, in this family..." And it was that simple. Though I am sad, though I long for them, for visits and chorus concerts and tickle fights... what matters most is His glory. I smile to think they are fulfilling the Lord's glory for their life. That's all I want... just His glory to be seen.
So today... it is well with my soul. My soul yearns to see His kingdom come. Use my family, Father. Use me. Life goes on... with busy schedules and holidays approaching. And visits in the spring to visit my family:) Things are good. God is good. It's all for You.
Heather Dowling at 12:24 PM
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Holiday Memories
First and foremost... Noah is
absolutely adorable isn't he?
I remember the excitement I had as a little girl getting ready to go to Grandma's for thanksgiving. The cranberry sauce, Grandma's cheeseball... all her hugs and kisses in her adorable apple kitchen that mine now imitates. I remeber all the joy whelming up in me to play with cousins and get teased by uncles. Years went by and we got older. Get-togethers decreased in number until eventually the last few years have just been our immediate family. The excitement still rises in me to set a fancy feast and see a big sister I don't get to see all that often. This year marks something altogether new and different. The feast will be at the newlyweds this year. Food will cover our little table in our little dining room and people will cover our little chair and little futon in our little living room. It'll be so fun.... until the moment they leave. My parents officially move to North Carolina as of Friday. R.Jay and I will skip the black friday rush at Watertown stores to load furniture, boxes, and memories into the van, the car, and a big moving van. The joy of this thanksgiving season and the knowledge of all I am thankful for will have to outweigh the heavy sadness that is trying to take control. I never imagined it would be so tough. I never imagined I'd cry so much, miss so much, regret so much. So before tears begin to fall and the sobbing starts I'll remember that I have a God who is bigger than a few thousand miles between Harrisville, NY and Sanford, North Carolina. My God has chosen this family to do His will and I understand the sacrifice. I'm willing to take it. I love my family. I love my God even more.
I'd hate to end this little post on such sadness. I am very thankful this year for all His wonderful blessings and for my family being happier than ever. I hope you all enjoy your thanksgiving with a great seasonal spread, some more wonderful memories, and lots of laughs with your families and friends. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Heather Dowling at 1:37 PM
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
In Silence My Heart Speaks...
Fresh Page, New PenWhere do I begin?
Words fall, Tears come
I need someone
To take the thoughts I almost think
And carry them to God for me
Deep breath, Exhale
Breathe in deeper still
Long sigh, I'm still numb
Is there anyone?
Who can find the things I'm barely feeling
And give them wings beyond my ceiling?
Right heart, Wrong place
It's too far to outer space
Sorry, I forgot, You're right here
I cup my hands around Your ear
I feel you smile, You feel my breath
You listen while I whisper non-sense
Simple exchange
Your will, I'm changed
And now my prayer ends
Thank you, Amen.......
Isn't it amazing how an old CD, an old song, can liberate my soul and say exactly what I'm feeling in the here and now. I love God's gift of music. Pardon my emotions.
I love the Lord. I truly truly love him. With a love I can't describe or imitate with another person. My husband is loving, kind, caring, and protecting... but in all his wonderful doings his love cannot compare to the love my Father has for me. Nothing can compare. God is my only constant. In that I wipe my tears and REST.
Heather Dowling at 10:30 AM
Monday, November 21, 2005
Happy Thanksgiving
I am thankful for...My husband and his love to me
My home and all that the Lord supplies for us
My Church and the people I now call "family"
My family and all their laughs
My friends and all their insight
My health and all the promises
But mostly I'm thankful for Him - The Lord who knew me before I was born...
I'm thankful he has rescued me from the miry clay, has shaped me and molded me, and is loving me each and every day more than I could even fathom.
It's been a good year with much to be thankful for.
Heather Dowling at 12:50 PM
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Public Notice:
Due to my complete failure, the webmaster has retired from service. Our dear friend Heather is the one who has suffered from my failures, so leave her nice compliments and happy thoughts.Sincerely,
The H. Dowling Webmaster
Heather Dowling at 7:38 PM
The Ultimate Webmaster
I have the greatest webmaster disguised as the greatest friend. You rock.I'm here in my parent's home... feeling a bit overwhelmed that there are boxes lining the floors, empty walls, empty shelves. It's all a bit emotional. Lord give me strength.
Heather Dowling at 5:13 PM
Friday, November 18, 2005
A New Look
Please be advised that heatherdowling.blogspot.com is currently under template changes. Who knows what it'll look like!!! I'd love some insight into the designs that you may see pop up. I currently have a wonderul "webmaster" stylist who deserves all the credit!No thoughtful feelings today. God is good and we had a wonderful surprise baby shower for a co-worker. I'm smiling.
Heather Dowling at 2:37 PM
Thursday, November 17, 2005
For the lovely Heather
A beautiful new template.Please note that I've turned on the Word Verification feature in the comments. This will prevent Heather from receiving any more unwanted comments from yucky people.
Sincerely,
The H. Dowling Blog Webmaster
Heather Dowling at 5:18 PM
His Light
I am the moon with no light of my own... Still you have made me to shine... And as I glow in this cold dark night... I know I cannot be a light unless I turn my face to youShine on me with your light...Without you I'm a cold dark stone...Shine on me I have no light of my own...You are the sun
Side note: The post Ryan wrote "I Get to" is just awesome. I believe every married person should read this.
Heather Dowling at 1:39 PM
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
1 Samuel 1:10
"In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD."Breakthrough is defined as such by Webster:
1. An offensive thrust that penetrates and carries beyond a defensive line in warfare.
2. An act or instance of breaking through an obstruction.
3. A sudden advance especially in knowledge or technique.
In bitterness of soul I wept much and prayed much to the Lord last night. I questioned much and talked much with my husband last night. I experienced breaththrough. Why is it that we constantly, as Christians, need to be reminded of the spiritual battle we face? For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. -Ephesians 6:12 I suppose I would rather have to be reminded than have forgotten altogether. Nonetheless, God comforted me as tissues piled on our coffee table and weights were lifted off of our chests. I have laid these things at the foot of the cross where they have belonged all along. Patience is being perfected - Wisdom, maturity, and holiness are as well. A phone call from my big sister brought healing and a knowing that things aren't "at my fault" but are rather a plot of the enemy. Simplicity. God uses the simplest things to catapult our emotions. Our family photo. It's beautiful isn't it? It seems a wave of sadness for things that have gone by hit me by surprise after my eyes lingered a little too long at this photo last night. Rachel is so beautiful, she's almost 15 and that's a bit frightening. Gina makes me laugh- I'll miss her giggles. I'll miss kissing Sam's cheeks- yes, he still lets me from time to time, but has to immediately wipe it away of course. I'll miss chasing him for hugs and kisses. I'll miss calling my mother when I'm scared, worried, excited, or sad. So many things that have become constants in my life are being stripped away. I'm an adult and God is using circumstances to grow me, I'm aware of this. But it's hard. It's hard knowing R.Jay and I have to help empty out a home next friday that has become a haven. Sadness is just so terribly...sad.
In all my weakness, in all my imperfections, in all my discouragements... my wonderful Lord and Saviour still uses me. A certain young man has made me realize it isn't even in the things I say or things I try to do, but it lies in simply being... ME. "I am who God has made me to be."- How many times have we heard this repeated, yet it holds a simple and profound message. Somehow in my sinful, stained life of impurities and imperfections God is being seen in me and using me even now. With that comfort I end my thoughts with a smile on my face... and hopefully the Lord's.
Hebrews 12:14 "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord."
Heather Dowling at 12:13 PM
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Hello-Goodbye
I think I need a change in my template. Any suggestions?I can't function today. I'm tired. I'm sick. Half of my Christmas shopping is done and groceries now stock the shelves of my cupboards and refridgerator thanks to my husband and I shopping like mad men until 10:30 in Watertown last night. God is good and we are blessed. I heard something yesterday afternoon that I keep thinking about today. "The root of all our unhappiness likes in the things that WE want." I agree. I agree that I'm struggling. God is bigger and wants this even more than I do. I agree.
THEE END:)
Heather Dowling at 1:54 PM
Monday, November 14, 2005
Generation X
I will live to worshipI will live to give you praise
I will live a child in awe of you
This worship song from the Generation Youth Conference I just returned from is still echoing in my heart this afternoon.
With lifted hands and hearts surrendered to the Lord I worshipped with some of the most abandoned young adults this weekend. Watching miracles happen before my eyes and teenagers vow to live a life holy and pleasing to the Lord, surrendering their selfish desires and running toward something greater than any relationship could give them was completely healing to my heart. A pastor spoke of a young man who's earthly life ended all to quickly. Nathaniel was that boy's name but the only thing I heard was Christopher as the pastor spoke of the young man's fervency for the Lord and the young men and women that are making commitments to take up "Nathaniel's" torch. I saw young man who reminded me of him this weekend and I wept. But it wasn't sadness anymore. I was rejoicing. Rejoicing in knowing my friend is with the most wonderful Lord and Saviour, rejoicing watching these young men who are heartily serving their Creator - just as my friend did. It was beautiful.
Burger King, Wendy's, Taco Bell... apparently my body isn't made to eat from these joints. I was a zombie during & after church yesterday with a tipsy turvey stomach and a nasty sinus cold. Ah, the joys of serving my husband as he serves as a youth pastor.
I love spending time with my husband. He played monopoly with me last night while I was on the coach for the evening. He's just wonderful. He let me be a kid again during that game - I won. Even more so, I love our talks. His passion for Christ is what makes me love him so much. As we talked about the future last night, my heart soared. Excitement filled my veins knowing the mighty things R.Jay and I will be doing for the Lord. Is it just me or do you ever get just completely thrilled when you think of running with complete abandonment for the Lord and doing His will no matter what it costs?!?!
Wow, this was a long post. I suppose I should finish.
Heather Dowling at 12:44 PM
Thursday, November 10, 2005
On the road again...
Well we're off yet again... leaving this afternoon for Utica, NY. Mount Zion Church hosts a large youth conference that our youth group has attended faithully for several years now. This year will be my second, and I'm excited. Last year was unbelieveable and this year hopes to be even better.Schedules are busy and sometimes I wonder if this is exactly where God needs me. He knows best. He's in control. It's not about me... I'm learning that my idea of serving God and His idea of my service (location and activity) is completely different. I'm just glad He wants me. He wants to use me. I'm ready:)
I'll be gone for a few days... don't anyone have anything amazing happen... I don't want to miss a minute ;)
Heather Dowling at 2:27 PM
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
My Life Is Not My Own
It's all about you, JesusAnd all this is for You
For Your glory and Your fame
It's not about me
As if you should do things my way
You are God alone
And I surrender to your Will
This song came on the christian radio station on my way home from work. I sobbed. I sobbed hard. My husband took me out for a beautiful dinner and I cried some more. I love him. I love serving the Lord with him.
Needless to say, I woke up this morning with less of me and more of Him. Part of me was ruined yesterday and in the midst of the rubble was Jesus Christ, making me more like Him. On the way to work this morning it was just me, My Jesus, and Chris Rice: The Living Room Sessions.
James Chapter 1 was the verse today. "... the testing of your faith develops perserverence". God is in control and that is all that matters. This life is not my own, it is the Lords. I want more of Him, His guidance, His wisdom.
I surrender all... I surrender all... All to Jesus I surrender... I surrender all
Heather Dowling at 12:00 PM
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
God - in my "meantime"
R.Jay and I listened to one of Dennis Cramer's messages last night. It hit me hard. Today those words are repeating themselves all around me, and I'm thankful. Joseph knew. How could I not?In Genesis 45 Joseph stood before his brothers a new man. After the torment he went through that began with his brothers he gave glory to whom glory was due. So many times in my life when things weren't perfect I've been satisfied with saying "I'm under an attack from the enemy." Oh! But Joseph knew who was in control! "So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God..." I can't even imagine what Joseph must have thought throughout the years after he received his visions from the Lord. He waited actively for them to pass. His mind must have mulled over as mine does. Shouldn't it have? Didn't he question at some point that "the enemy" must be attacking him? Probably not... He understood that the Lord had a plan and was bringing him through - through everything.
I'm "bogged" down. "Bogged" doesn't even begin to describe it. How can I grasp my mind around the plans of God for me? My prophetic words sit beside our stereo, calling out to me to listen to them every week. Faithfully I do... shouldn't I get excited rather than frustrated? Dennis Cramer said something last night that still is making me think... "Why is it that people feel the Words they received are farther away now then when they received them". GULP. OUCH. That's me.
Father help me to understand. Help to actively wait on Your promises in this "meantime" of life. Help me in my unbelief that You are using me even now. Help me to see You in this time of why.
Heather Dowling at 12:26 PM
Monday, November 07, 2005
Wrinkles
I believe I have more wrinkles. My laugh lines must be more obvious. I've learned that after 7 straight hours of gut-wrenching laughter, one becomes completely exhausted. Who knew?After sharing wonderful stories, encouraging words, and learning to knit in 1-minute with some pretty great ladies I'd say my fall get-together was just about perfect. Save for the ache in my face from so much laughter. After our "ladies" time ended and our husbands returned from "WAR" (a.k.a. paintball), the laughs seemed to just increase as the sun went down and the night creeped in. It was a blast.
Cheesecake is wrapped in the refridgerator that we'll be eating for the rest of the week... fancy dishes are washed and put away... pumpkin spice candles have all melted away... and our guest room is now empty. I love company... I hate when they leave.
My family is leaving. The thought crept up on me last night similar to the way this season creeps in. I'm sad. I'm happy. After thanksgiving the home I grew up in will be empty where hopes and dreams were born, where laughter and fights were shared, and where memories were made. The thought is sickening. Then I have to remember He's in control of their lives... not me. This move is because He's calling them somewhere, someplace to bring Him glory and my nastalgic heart doesn't have a say. I'll miss them. I'll miss my home. Will that fade? Will I get used to North Carolina as my family's home? Hmm... maybe someday.
Heather Dowling at 12:36 PM
Friday, November 04, 2005
Better
He is a loved invention. A creation from the heart. He is a supernatural intention. A cherished piece of art.Still so many questions...
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Do you ever have days where God reminds you of just how much you need Him. Today was my day (of many previous and to follow). He reminds me in such a loving way of where I came from. Humbleness sinks in and tears follow. His grace is sufficient for me and today I am BETTER. I'm better than I've ever been. Somehow... I'm better. I've been redeemed... and there's nothing more precious than having Him as my Father.
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Tomorrow is a Fall-Get-Together at my home. It'll be a time of great food, great laughs, with some great ladies. A time to get away from the business of life and live a little with some girlfriends. It's also a time for some of my friends to see our little 3-bedroom home before we leave it one of these days to purchase our first home. I'm excited. I hope everyone else is too!
Tomorrow marks 9 months of marriage. Wow. I don't think I have to express to anyone how fast time is flying... every one has heard my complaining and realizes this for themselves by now. I'm still completely in love with my husband, as he is with me. And there is just something so holy and beautiful about our marriage. I'm blessed.
Heather Dowling at 12:03 PM
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Child-Like
I love autumn. Not just for the colors and the cooler weather... but the leaves on the ground. My favorite past-time I can remember as a little girl was in autumn when the leaves would fall and the winds would come and stir them up into a cyclone of orange, red, and brown. I used to dance in my little leaf tornado. Well those "leaf tornados" are still my favorite to see. Granted, you probably won't catch me dancing in downtown Watertown in a pile of leaves today. But every now and then I feel the child in me rise up and I want to run outside and catch my leaf tornado. Time is not our friend.Hi. My name is Heather. I'm a photoholic. My mother in law doesn't help with my obsession of photographs. While at her home last Saturday she piled on me pictures I was able to choose from of R.Jay when he was just a little one. You have to realize how much I love pictures, especially those of my husband in his younger years.
This morning while sipping my coffee I stared at a picture I have of little Rushton and thought what he must have been like as a baby, a toddler, a little boy. To me, this is mind-boggling. That may be silly to some, but knowing this wonderful man of God, my husband, was once a small child who needed someone to do everything for him amazes me. Time amazes me. God's design amazes me. God's timing also amazes me. I know He desires certain things even more than I could. Patience is a virtue... this I know. His timing is perfect... this I keep telling myself. I wonder if his mother ever looked at this adorable toe-head toddler and thought of the wonderful man he would someday be, where he would be, who he would marry. I don't have a son... and I'm already thinking those things. Call me crazy.
Our Wedding
Heather Dowling at 12:26 PM
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Life
Life is busy.Life is hectic.
I'm back.
But no time to write:(
I'm sure someone can sympathize, right?
Heather Dowling at 2:54 PM